Vine by mary birdsong
I think positive affirmations are rill, rill important, y’all. So Imonna post a new manifestin’, motivatin’ movie (a rill, rill short one like this here one) evvvvver single Mundee. I love all-uh-y’all so don’t forget it. Bye.
Look, y’all… I don’t know a whole lot about computers. Like, for example… When I read the word “embed” on the youtubes I thought it must be like a new-fangled kinda bed. YOU know… ike a iPhone is a new-fangled kinda phone? But my friends Kymm and Kehlee who are cashiers at the store told me that embed is how you make people see videos on your bloggy thing. And I learned it! I learned how to make embeds! So here is a video playlist I just embedded for all o’ y’all:
These clips harken* back all the way to my MySpace days.
*Empathios learned me that word (harkens). Ain’t it pretty? I think it sounds like angel talk. If ever I do meet a angel Imonna say it a lot.
p.s. I think the History Channel and that nice, Greek man with the big hair and the nice tan are right. I think all the angels are actually ancient astronauts and extra-terrestrials. Lotta folks is a’scared of extra-terrestrials, but I don’t have no problem with ’em. I mean, if other planets got a whole lotta extras they need to git rid of, I don’t see why they cain’t send ’em on down here to Earth. There’s sooooo much room on our planet anyways. [You ever driven through Nebraska? I have (or at least, my two daddys did- they drove a big rig when I was real little and they’d take me with ’em on long hauls). Even though I WAS real little, I was still tall enough to see out the winduhs.] And TRUST me- we got a whole lotta empty space here if other planets got extra critters they need to get rid of.
Besides- it just means more new clients for me! Maybe the missionary position is real exotic to them!
I’m the 99 Cent Whore, a feminist, and I approved this blog post.
There just ain’t nothin’ as sweet/sad as this bunch of old, used Valentines I bought on Ebay from the 1920s & 30s… written by little boys and girls with names like Henrietta, Hortense, and Maynard–
They’re sweet cuz they’re all so rosy-cheeked and innocent. And sad cuz they’re all probably dead by now. Like… DAYYYYY-UD dead. Well, at least they HAD a Valentine. I’m alive, sure enough, but with nary a sweetheart to be found. So if y’all don’t mind, I’m gonna get in my science fiction Valen-Time Machine and git to smoochin with Maynard.
New project: “99 Cent Whore” ‹ Molly Hale.
Initial developmental readings of this original half-hour comedy have begun and the whore has not disappointed. Molly and Mary are both very excited for their whore to explode on the comedy scene (so to speak). Wet nap, anyone?
Don’t have exact change, sugar? Not a problem.
This is (obviously) a super-GROSS BILLBOARD I just drove by for the HALLMARK CHANNEL MOVIE-OF-THE-WEEK, “A Ring By Spring.”
In fact, I was SO grossed out by it that I got pulled over.
Cop: Ma’am, do you realize how cynically u were driving just now?
Me: Yessir.
Cop: You were also in a no vomiting lane.
Me: I’m sorry sir. (BEAT) Sir?
Cop: Ma’am?
Me: R u single, sir
The revolution WILL be televised. And it will look FABULOUS!ALLAHU AK-BARBARBA!
A very brave Saudi woman (I don’t know her name yet, but let’s just call her Barbara) stood up to police at the mall and VIDEO-TAPED IT, people! She even tells them mid-chastisement, “Even as you speak, the video is on it’s way to Facebook and Twitter! Then the best part is that she says, & I quote:
“You are not the boss of me & you can’t tell me not to wear nailpolish!”
I’VE NEVER HEARD A MORE POWERFUL WAR-CRY FOR A REVOLUTION!!
In solidarity w/Barbara, I call on women of all faiths to wear t-shirts w/that slogan.
http://ow.ly/i/ECrL
99 Cent Whore 